15 months ago my most adorable son was born. He is the love of my life and my everything. About the same time though, unknown then, I began suffering from postpartum depression. The entire pregnancy, I read every book there was to read about pregnancy and labor and delivery and taking the baby home... I never expected that it would be so hard to take care of myself. As far as my son, he's the reason I get out of bed in the morning, the reason I suppose I do most anything. I love being with him and enjoy every second of watching him grow and learn. He has taught me so much and molded me to an entirely different person then I ever expected to be. Yet the feelings of depression I have had since my son was born have not yet subsided... I felt worse than I have ever emotionally and mentally and for the first time ever, there's not anything I have found that makes me feel better for more than a couple of hours... At the point that I actually worked up the nerve to ask for help, he was 8 months old, and we found out we were expecting again. So as far as 'getting help' I couldn't do it, emotionally/mentally you know, I just couldn't...
Later on we found out, this time it is a girl. So I started reading again, anything I could find, which I will say is not a lot about having a second child. Most materials are made for first time parents.
I know this sounds all like a jumble of words and thoughts, it is... I know... But I have a couple of points to get across here... first, maybe writing will make it better (although, I have always had a hard time writing my thoughts on paper). Secondly, there are a lot of people that have no idea what it feels like, nor will they ever understand without actually feeling it. Third, I want people, especially mommies, to know it is ok to feel good and ask for help, even if you think you can do it or think it's really not that bad... Looking back, it is that bad and it doesn't have to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment